The Reason for the Apology
I just wanted you
to shut the fuck
up.
Not go away
and die
or anything.
Just
shut the fuck
up.
Shopping for a Dream
Maybe they have
something else,
something
that will take me places,
places
where the women
glide,
pull their faces
close
outline your lips
with whiskey dipped
fingers –
offer one last
kiss
before never
saying
goodbye …
Alice
I have a feeling
I’ll be buried
by strangers.
The kids grown,
lost to their own lives.
Friends
a few.
Most hoping
I won’t take too long.
The dog
might miss me,
the cat
not so much.
We never were
that close.
So the dog it is.
If there’s anything
left
it’s for Alice,
the dog.
Keep her happy,
warm
and fed.
Don’t let
the postman
try to pet her
he was never
a favorite.
And make sure
she doesn’t
sleep alone.
Neither of us
ever liked
sleeping alone.
“A Better Place to Be”
It’s not the muscle
or tendon
that keep the bones
from collapsing.
It’s the rust, stale grease
and corner scum
of the factory floors
holding them up.
Too many year
on the assembly line
pulling the future
from the past,
too many dreams built
for no one to sleep with
but there’s always
that one last cigarette,
a cool place
out of the sun,
and someone
to pour the whiskey.
We grow old
and time moves on,
we’ve built our
empires,
the young ones
build theirs.
A callus,
a blister –
never raised.
A dirty
fingernail –
never witnessed.
The work
magic
silent,
curious
to the nonbelievers.
It’s a new world,
some say –
“ A better place
to be.”
The List of Who Cares
At thirteen
she took a time out
pushing thirty now
still on it.
She drinks a bit,
smokes
enjoys a little of this
sometimes.
and sometimes,
some of that –
it’s a good place
to hide.
She thinks she’s
witty,
has an edge,
reads her poem
about her period –
it isn’t a poem.
She collects wreckage
mostly her own.
Throws it
back
at the world.
The list of who cares
lost.
Her teeth
aren’t what they
used to be.
Some nights
it’s the line,
the shelter:
a coffee,
a soup,
maybe a sandwich
for later
and a prayer
she doesn’t want
to hear.
She drinks a bit,
it’s a good place
to hide
from everything
she could have been.
A Night Weeping, a San Francisco Fog
At the window table
street side
the Asian girl’s tongue
pink
smooths
her lipstick
waits …
Her companion
sipping tea
misses it.
Love’s – want – wishes
kissed into a napkin
the busboy –
cleans the table
dreams left
on the smudged edge
of a half full
wine glass
the dishwasher
doesn’t care.
The waiter –
tip
never enough.
The Asian girl –
smile broken
she follows him
past the register
out the door.
The chilled
of a
night weeping
holds her tighter
than he
ever will.
Going through Lists
They send email
reminders
of people’s birthdays.
When I go through the list
all that comes to mind is,
Christ, you’re still alive.
A Time Traveler’s Maintenance Guide
Old age flaring up.
I’ve had it
a while now,
got it bad
everything
hurts –
The kid says
I should get
a prescription
he’s got a friend.
Yeah,
for now
I think I’ll just
stick with the bourbon.
See what tomorrow
looks like.
It’s only time.
I’ve done a lot of it.
Both kinds
young and wild
old and tired.
The Sad Eyed Girl
She quit shaving
her eyebrows
looks like Frida
now
except
with short hair
and boy’s shoes.
She’s still convinced
nobody loves her –
him, her,
anybody.
You want to ask
if anyone’s
touched it
yet,
but you don’t.
Still
for her sake
you hope
someone has
The Sound of Snow
It’s hard to hear
the snow.
Sometimes
you think maybe,
but no.
The wind spitting,
the trees cracking,
the splash of the tires,
but the snow
no.
It’s mostly
a gentle whisper
a cold kiss
something
to wipe from
an eyelash
sometimes
a smile from a lover
a friend.
Never a long
goodbye
a voice
raised
or a hint
of tricks
to be played.
Only the roar
of the quiet
and the snow.
Bill Gainer is a widely recognized writer, editor, humorist and poet. He earned his BA from St. Mary’s College and his MPA from the University of San Francisco. He is the publisher of the PEN Award winning R. L. Crow Publications and is the ongoing host of Red Alice’s Poetry Emporium (Sacramento, CA). Gainer is internationally published and known across the country for giving legendary fun filled performances. His latest book, Lipstick and Bullet Holes, is from Epic Rites Press, Canada (2014). Visit: www.billgainer.com
