{"id":2343,"date":"2013-10-30T23:13:22","date_gmt":"2013-10-30T23:13:22","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.fullofcrow.com\/poetry\/?page_id=2343"},"modified":"2013-11-01T01:53:17","modified_gmt":"2013-11-01T01:53:17","slug":"kayla-wheeler-october-2013","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/www.fullofcrow.com\/poetry\/archives\/kayla-wheeler-october-2013\/","title":{"rendered":"Kayla Wheeler, October 2013"},"content":{"rendered":"

How to Not Stay Without Leaving<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

When your lover urges you to apologize
\nfor the shot horse outside your bedroom
\nwindow, tell him you cannot. Hide
\nthe bullets under your tongue. Say you
\nhave a fever that can only be assuaged
\nby bourbon and a drive back to 1998.<\/p>\n

When he reminds you that the bend
\nof your neck was only a missed turn
\nbefore then, do not tell him you hope
\nhe forgives you. When he will not hold
\nyou after, let silence explain that you don’t
\nexpect anything.<\/p>\n

When he does not get out of bed to make
\na tourniquet for the crippled animal, know
\nthat he will also not do it for you. Men
\nare rarely bloodthirsty, they just don’t
\nknow how to stop.<\/p>\n

When he does nothing. When his eyes on
\nyour body is a drive through the same small town
\nhe can’t wait to get out of, shoot the horse again.
\nDo better this time. Show him you like to miss
\nthe target on the first try for the sake of throwing
\nanother dart. This is about suffering, not accuracy.<\/p>\n

When the whole house is December and
\nyou can smell the woman he left at the motel, leave
\nheadless mice scattered in the front yard. Wash
\nyour hands. Curse the cat again.<\/p>\n

When it is the night of your third forgotten
\nanniversary and he says he isn’t hungry, drag
\na neighbors’ chicken to your doorstep. When
\nevery sentence of his does not end
\nwith the word over, contemplate the dog.<\/p>\n

Empty the knives from the kitchen
\ndrawers. Leave a note that reads: Darling,<\/p>\n

do you know how many hearts I’ve stopped just to keep you from starving?<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Kayla Wheeler is a poet and ex-ballerina from New Hampshire. She was a semi-finalist at the 2013 National Poetry Slam, having represented Manchester NH’s Slam Free Or Die. Her work lives in various literary journals including The Subterranean Quarterly<\/em>, Wicked Alice<\/em> and Resurgo Magazine.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

How to Not Stay Without Leaving   When your lover urges you to apologize for the shot horse outside your bedroom window, tell him you cannot. Hide the bullets under your tongue. Say you have a fever that can only be assuaged by bourbon and a drive back to 1998. 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